My name is Adam Murray and I’m a new Pony. I have spent most of my life trying to avoid being a complete and utter dork, and I’ve failed miserably every step of the way. I thought I’d share with you all some of my more stunning defeats in my attempts to stave off my dorkdom.

Early Life: Extensive orthodontics combined with a love of Star Wars. This was a recipe for disaster if I was trying to maintain a cool kid-persona. A prime example of how miserably I failed at being cool is this picture of me on Christmas morning in PJs and head-gear fighting my brother with a lightsaber. Needless to say, I wasn’t starting from a position of strength when I was trying to be cool.

Adolescence: The point at which every young person decides that they are going to remake their image to become a cool, independent badass. Not many middle-schoolers succeed in this task, but I failed more than others. My extra-curricular activities included: Future Cities (an engineering contest centered around creating a model of a futuristic city), Youth in Government (model N.Y. State Legislature) and MathCounts (mathletes). Somehow, in this formative time in my life, as I tried to become one of the cool kids I ended up in the three nerdiest clubs that have ever existed.

High School: This was going to be my time to shine! Yeah — still ended up being a huge dork. Musical theater (pretty dorky), golf team (even dorkier), and a trivia team called Masterminds (there is nothing dorkier than that). It seems that I actively resist things that would make me look cooler in the eyes of my peers.

College: Marching Band. Tubas, uniforms, berets. Say no more.

Present Day: This is where I hope to make the transition to coolness. Well, if I’m being honest this is where I once again let my dork flag fly. If any of my fellow Ponies have suggestions for me on how I can make myself less dorky — or more dorky, or just have opinions on Rey’s lineage, tubas or presidential politics — I’m your guy.