Mother’s Day is Sunday. Wait… What? Yes, Sunday. GASP!

That’s where I found myself earlier this week when I looked at the calendar and realized that Mother’s Day was near.

My mom (on left) and mother-in-law

I had every intention of creating a handmade or personalized gift for my mother/mother-in-law/stepmother to show how much I appreciate all they do for our family day in and day out.

Yet here I was six days out, scouring the internet to see what I could ship to their homes this weekend. Fat chance. Instead I found myself horrified by the plethora of mother’s day gift suggestions companies are suggesting through multiple marketing efforts.

One notable dud was for TCBY. They created a list of 10 gift suggestions to celebrate Mom. First on the list was, of course, take her to TCBY. Nothing says thanks mom than a tasty vanilla fro-yo with some crushed nuts on top.

What Mom’s Thinking: “Ohhh… a trip to TCBY… thanks. You got me a $2 frozen gift that will melt… no, really… thanks.”

The next one to catch my eye was a Sunbeam donut maker. The company suggests you buy a donut maker for mom and make her fresh donuts for breakfast in bed. Hmmm… so all I have to do is make mom some donuts one day to rationalize the purchase of a ridiculous product? Awesome.

What Mom’s Thinking: “Great. I get donuts in bed one day out of the stinking year and will be asked to make them the other 364 days.”

But perhaps my very favorite suggestion was made by an Australian non-profit that suggests you “buy” mom an orangutan to celebrate all she’s done for you over the past year. Yes, I know it’s for a good cause and supports wildlife but come on, an ape? Sorry, but I don’t think giving a 4-foot, 100-lb creature that loves to throw its feces says “I love you.” Am I wrong?

What Mom’s Thinking: “Seriously? An ape? You bought me an ape. For Mother’s Day. You’re a bunch of (enter expletive of your choice) apes.”

And, while I think flowers are predictable, Teleflora did a great job capturing the not so great gifts people conjure up for moms.

As a mother, I advocate for a handmade, thoughtful gift or even a card and a nice note. Throw in a little alone time and you have it made. Good luck on Sunday!