EDITOR’S NOTE – This is the debut Peepshow post of Jeff Uemura, who recently joined Fast Horse as a multimedia intern. He shot our AdFed Happy Hour promotional video and a cool scene-setting piece for Tilia, the new restaurant that Jorg co-founded.

I’ve experience culture shock during the past few weeks. Office culture shock that is. You see, I still don’t fully understand what’s going on around me here.

I’m used to a world of working under hot 1,000-watt lights on a studio set, a world that has had me staying outdoors at an abandoned grain mill until 2 a.m. in 10-below weather to shoot a Christian music video. A world in which directing extras on how to react to a zombie is a perfectly acceptable way to earn a living.

But this agency life has me wide eyed with wonder at some things, and scratching my head in confusion at others. Allow me to provide you with a few examples.

There is a refrigerator here that is always stocked with soda, and the soda is always cold. Never is there an “oh, that’s still warm from just getting restocked” can. I’ve been told that I can help myself whenever I like, but I haven’t touched them as any fridge that is constantly stocked with sodas that are always cold is obviously powered by dark wizardry.

Emails often go around concerning something called “Cision”. Apparently everyone is either getting kicked off of it or is forgetting to sign out of it. I have no clue as to what this “Cision” is but if I had to guess I’d say it was a video game or an online sports book.

I don’t know which Chipotle is the closest to Fast Horse World HQ, but whichever one it is, I’ve estimated that 87.38% of that store’s annual revenue comes out of this office.

Compliments are paid when someone does a good job on a “deck”. Much like “Cision”, I have no idea what a “deck” is but it probably has something to do with the casino that isn’t in the basement that doesn’t exist.

Conference calls are interesting to observe. English is spoken, but in a jargon which twists it into a bastardization absolutely foreign to me. The mysterious “deck” is often mentioned which makes me wonder if all agencies don’t have casinos in basements that don’t exist. I’m pretty sure all the PR and marketing lingo is actually the dark wizardry spell that runs the soda fridge.

I’m sure I’ll get my head wrapped around all this soon enough. Until I can write at you again, I’ll let you, fine reader, vote on what I write about next. Do I drink a soda possibly tainted by black magic and tell you all about it, or do I theorize on Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey after I’ve had six beers.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Just to set Jeff straight on a few things:

1. The fridge — It’s not “dark wizardry” that restocks the drinks. It’s Lindsey.

2. Cision — It’s a service that lets you hunt for reporters, news editors and other media contacts so that you can pitch them on “really great story opportunities.”