BattleFight Vol. II: The Terminator/Segway VS. Centaurs/Wikipedia

Posted by on Jul 25, 2008 in Fast Horse | 3 comments

For our second installment of BattleFight, hardware faces off with open-source technology and humanoid horse-beasts: the Terminator spot-welded to a Segway versus a dozen or so centaurs with the cognitional knowledge of Wikipedia.

When debating this BattleFight please reflect on Victor Turner’s concept of liminality as well as the problems of natural/artificial dualism encountered by cyborgs.

 The Terminator/Segway

Strengths:

  • Living tissue over metal exoskeleton
  • CPU is neural net processor – a learning computer
  • Cold, relentless killer/killer one-liners
  • Top speed of 12.5 mph

 Weaknesses:

 Centaurs/Wikipedia

Strengths:

  • Adjustable speeds: gallop, canter, trot
  • Wikipedia is the fastest growing source of information on the internet 
  • Over 10 million articles in 253 languages
  • Beards

 Weaknesses:

  • Unreliable resources (citation needed)
  • Centaurs are prone to drink
  • Roundworms

 Place of Battle: the BattleFight will take place in an elephant graveyard located in Two Harbors, MN.

 Special Rules and Conditions:

  • The Terminator is the Terminator from Terminator 2: Judgement Day.
  • The Segway has unlimited battery power.
  • The centaur’s brains are constantly updated with the knowledge of Wikipedia as articles are updated.
  • The Terminator cannot get off the Segway (he’s welded to it and he’s programmed not to get off of it).
  • The centaurs have no magical powers. They’re just centaurs.
  • If a centaur breaks a leg, it is shot immediately. No questions asked.
  • The Terminator’s CPU is not wifi enabled. However, the Terminator is allowed to use the internet if he can find a segway-friendly internet cafe.
  • The centaurs communicate through a series of clicks and chirping sounds.
  • The Terminator’s mission is to destroy the centaurs.
  • There are medieval weapons hidden throughout the elephant graveyard and in downtown Two Harbors (the old downtown, not the new downtown).
  • Some of the centaurs have colored hair.

 Special thanks to Matt and Ashley from Puny for the nuggets of BattleFight inspiration.

The battle debate begins now in the comments.

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  • Al

    The centaur has six limbs and the Terminator has two arms and some wheels–this hardly seems fair.

    Is this taking place at night? The Terminator has night vision, but the centaur has an extensive knowledge of astronomy..

  • Jared

    I’ve never been on a segway or a centaur, so I’m not sure which is faster, but how fast is the centaur’s internet connection? And reflexes. When the Terminator gets a hold of anything heavy, that pony is dog food.

  • Taylor

    Al – the fight will take place at 8:15 PM during the summer solstice.

    Jared – the centaurs are faster when off-roading but the segway is faster, hands down, on a paved straightaway. The centaurs have mobile satellite broadband at 2.488 Gbits/s and man-like reflexes.